Monday, June 1

an open letter to whole foods

dear wholefoods,
your floors are too slippery.


on xxxxx xxxxx, xx at 11:40 am, despite wearing "sensible" shoes, I finally did a faceplant at your store. the only serious injury I seemed to sustain was to my ego. it did not merit finding management and submitting an accident report or getting lawyers involved, but it is an ongoing problem at your Flagship location. I fear for my life (and my social-life) every time I have to venture through your doors. I've filled out comment cards. I've contemplated both (a) ditching my shoes and entering barefoot and (b) packing a pair of crocs in case I ever need to pick up bread, milk, eggs... neither option seems reasonable in the real world, so instead my customer loyalty has waned. this may be my final straw, as caution (and foot shuffling) does not appear sufficient. I love Whole Foods—office compatriots even call it "the cafeteria" when we lunch with you regularly—but the floors may cause termination of our relationship. I would mourn that loss, so please please *please*, with all due respect, change your fucking floor wax.

sincerest regards,
huebscher

their response:

Good Afternoon huebscher,

Thank you for taking the time to write in regarding your less than delightful experience at our xxxx Store. First and most importantly it does sound from your email that you suffered no lasting effects from your self described “faceplant”. I truly hope this to be true. If you require anything whatsoever please contact me so that I may take action promptly.

In regard to the condition of our floors and wax choice, we are always striving to maintain the best possible environment for our Guests to visit and I am very concerned about this situation. I will be more than happy to look into alternatives for our floor maintenance. I would love to discuss this with you and perhaps hear your ideas and comments in further detail if time permits. If I may reach you by phone or if you have time to meet please let me know.

Again, please accept my apology for your experience and if you need anything at all please reach me at either of the numbers below.

Regards,
xxxx

then my reply:

thanks so much for your immediate response, xxxx. I think I'm okay, overlooking a few bruises and muscular soreness.

I'd be willing to chat with you anytime, as it's a problem almost everyone I know has experienced in the store. I've witnessed both friends and strangers nearly falling. I'm most available wednesday of this week, either in person or via phone.

thanks,
huebscher
(xxx)xxx-xxxx

then theirs:

Hi huebscher,

I’ll plan on giving you a call on Wednesday.

Thank you again,
xxxxx


Or not. needless to say, I'm somewhat miffed.



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